I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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