worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you had me at cake vodka
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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