conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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