also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
