Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
