did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
worst night to have a conscience
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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