YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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