I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
