he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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