I wish I could teleport
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
