I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
