You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
