What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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