All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
