Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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