I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
