sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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