Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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