A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dear god my vagina.
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