where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were destined to go to rehab together
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
