I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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