Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
