We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She bit a glass in half.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
