My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
