I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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