Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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