NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
