Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
