and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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