We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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