i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
