I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
