brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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