I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
