I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
