highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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