you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
