Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm both gender and math confused
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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