ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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