i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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