dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
