Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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