note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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