she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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