He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize