She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
