We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
