Your mouth is God's brothel.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
