The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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