i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
