no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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