apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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