Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
