K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
