Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would fuck him just for his dog
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
