alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
