Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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