I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
