It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
