pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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