i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
