the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
