if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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