oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
