check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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