operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
