so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
