i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
