Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
