I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
