my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
