I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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